Headspin

Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

The past two months have seen me going through a period of sheer, irresponsible excess. I think the main reason was that immediately prior to that I was in dire financial shape - to the point where Hubby, Little Tyke and I were making plans to move in with Mommy.

Thanks only to a generous landlord and the cashing in of an investment I had been building up over the past 7 years, it didn't go that far. So, thankful to not have to move out of our much loved & lived-in home and flush (well... relatively) with the money from sellling my shares, the situation had suddenly flipped on its head.

Now, the way it works in my house, I generally have more money than Hubby at any given point in time - purely because, while he's finishing his studies, my income is significantly greater than his. But the understanding is, family comes first - if there's a need that affects the whole family, both us do what we can to make sure that need is meet.

Anyway, that first month, the family was looking pretty good and I had a couple more bucks in the bank - not enough to get us out of the debt-trap we're in or set us up for life, but a good couple of bucks just the same. So it began... the new clothes for Hubby, Little Tyke and Me, the date nights and takeout, the braais, the booze... Good Lord, just the mere act of recounting it all on this page... Damn!

Then last month, I got word of a tax break from the revenue service and a good month at work... and on it went - intensified, and bordering on the grotesque... It hit me last weekend when I was at home alone on Saturday night and finished off 7 bottles of a very well-know and potent vodka cooler, sending drunken sms'... Good Lord. Then Sunday, we go to a live music show, have some drinks and Hubby gets so tipsy that a couple of very uncharacteristic things happen (keep reading this blog and, you'll have enough of an idea of Hubby to know what those things could possibly be).

Sooo.. anyway, I'm here reflecting and I can't think of why that craziness happened. We've been so diciplined for so long... I lost 10kgs, we had stopped using our credit cards - times were helluva hard, but we were maintaining. And then, this... this desperate spiral into near-destruction. Scary...

This post deserves a part two... I'll mull this over and get back to it here, to explore my conclusions.

...or knowing me, rather to explore my questions.

Ja, ne?!