Back to basics

Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect whether he chooses to be so or not. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

I'm really getting the hang of this 'living life' thing. Of course, there are shades of my former self that remain and that is to be expected. But, all in all, I feel for the first time in a long time that I'm actually doing ok. Life is good.

Little Tyke's birthday party was awesome. It all went so well. It was small, relaxed and more than anything, he had a great time (which is all that really matters). In fact, this weekend was pretty hectic. We had another two-year-old's party the next day and dinner with family immediately afterwards... and the best part, I got to spend time with Sims - wow! I love that chick, like for real. She's my heart.

These past few weeks, as I've been progressing on this journey of mine, my eyes have been opened to what really truly matters... family, friends, connection (to myself and the world that I live in), love, faith, courage. Of course, I still haven't gotten a firm grasp on all of them - not by a long shot. But, now I see. I really, really see.

Take Sunday, for instance. Mrs O, my girl from 'Varsity threw a party for her two-yr-old little girl (incidentally, she and Little Tyke were born like 3 days apart and Mrs O got married exactly a week before me. Crazy). Anyway, we went to the party and it was so surreal... I was living!

There I was with this old, dear friend of mine (and another of my favourite girls from 'Varsity) and it was great, almost like old times. The conversations were different, of course, but the vibe was the same... that intense sisterhood; the pure enjoyment of each other's company. Just fully in the moment. It felt so great.

And I was left wondering to myself why we lost touch in the first place. I hadn't seen Mrs O in over a year, and K (my other girl) in close to 5 years! Why? Why did we grow apart instead of growing up together? Neither of us stay more than 45min away from each other and yet somehow we lost each other. Rather, I lost them. Why?

On my part, I guess it's that self-involvement, my deep propensity for retreating into myself. I sat there listening to these women, watching them surrounded by their children and friends. This strong circle of support, all congergated around the celebration of this little child's birthday and I thought, wow! Here are women who, despite marriage and motherhood, never forgot about themselves. I felt like I was a part of something. A part of a community. A part of the world. And I looked around in awe at everything that I had been missing.

Then there was dinner at my aunt's place. My favourite aunt, in fact. Her kids, my cousins, are 16 and 18 - almost fully grown and I was shocked! I live 30min down the highway from them and I had no idea what sort of young adults they had turned out to be. We had our other cousins and each of our kids there, my brother, my husband - a family, a community... something so real . Something that I was - I am - a part of!

Looking back at it all now, I wonder how it got this way. I know that, although we all had a part to play in the creating the staus quo and the disconnection that has existed up to now, I can only take responsibility for myself. Still, I can't help but question whether - as 21st century people - we are losing something important. That sense of community. What does it really mean to us? How much are we missing out on by not embracing it?

It truly is the African way, but we can't escape the westernised world that we live in. How much is too much? Is balance really attainable? There are so many influences acting on our lives at any given moment. What are the trade-offs and what drives us to the decisions that we make in trying to make this juggling act work?

Questions, questions, questions! Yes, I know! But I suppose that is just my nature. I'm a seeker. So sue me! :)

Again, I will not dwell too much on looking for the answers. One thing I know for sure now, is that they will come to me - eventually. It's not called the University of Life/Hard Knocks for nothing. I think God designed it this way for a reason. The same reason that he has bestowed free will on all of us.

I just hope that I can continue to gravitate to the positives in life. I think if there was ever a wish that I had for myself, that would be it. To simply live my life and let myself be guided by and towards only those things that will enrich it.

God willing, there are many more rewarding and enlightening steps ahead on this journey of mine.