Family ties?

The family is a haven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch

Well, my whirlwind week has continued in pretty much the same vane, although it feels like momentum is waning now. It's not as though I don't have enough to do. I've got plenty, but motivation is in short supply. The fact that tomorrow's Friday doesn't help either. I love Friday, and probably look forward to it a little more (and a little earlier) than I should.

As the week draws closer to an end though, my thoughts seem to be drifting in a different direction: Family. Those ties that sort of fall upon you. Unchosen, unsolicited.

I've got quite a few cousins, but not so many as to excuse the way I've neglected them all. Here are these people that I've known basically all my life, who were around when I was a rotund child, when I was a wild teenager and still here as I settle into being a grown woman. People that are perfectly placed to create that network of support and friendship that seems to be so missing in my life. Granted, most of them are in another country but some are here and even those that aren't are not that far away (Lesotho is like a 4-hour drive from here).

We've established that I'm generally quite self-absorbed. I do spend a lot of time living inside of myself and not enough giving of myself. Who better to give to than the people who are already there. Just give a little time, give an occassional phone call.

I did that today. I sent my favourite cousin - who I had not spoken to in almost a year - a text today, and he called back. We talked for all of two minutes, but what a change it made to my day. It changed my whole attitude - got me smiling instead of stressing. And I thought "wow!".

I am beginning to put together little pieces of the answers to the many questions in my mind, everyday. I'm starting to see that not having all the answers is no excuse for not living, and part of it is reaching out to other human beings. Maybe I need to stop spending so much time trying to figure out the answers on my own and start trying to see if there isn't anything I can learn by just being in the world... really being a part of it. Talking, sharing, connecting.

I am self-involved, but maybe I don't really have to be. I can start by reaching out and engaging with some of the things that aren't actually that far outside of myself. Like my family. Maybe that will be the first step to venturing out even further, and finally - one day - to actually claiming and occupying my own place in this world.