Doing the work

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison

This week has gotten off to a pretty good start. It's actually made me realise how much I love feeling like I've accomplished something... the pressure, the mad rush, no time to think or take calls. Monday was like that. Tuesday too - to a lesser extent. It was exhilirating!

I hate feeling like my contributions are meaningless. My job does that to me more often than not, and I suppose that's my fault in a lot of ways. I guess after 4 years, the novelty has kind of worn off and I'm just not feeling it as much. Besides, I'm not tryin to be employed for the rest of my life and, in my head, this job has just become a means to an end.

Hubby, Big Bro and I have started a small company - and by 'started' I mean it's registered with the company's office and that's about it. I'm trying to get us to put together a proposal to do some stuff for a new community television station, but the momentum is just not building. I think we've all just kind of been lulled into a deep comfort zone by our 9-5's and since our company's not bringing in any money, it's no surprise that it takes second place.

This is just one of the many 'grown-folk' things I'm trying to get my head around. It's scary being on your own. Not alone, but on your own. No parachute or safety net in the form of Mommy or Daddy. Pretty much everything is a risk now coz you have to bail yourself out if it all goes pear-shaped. It's only natural that you'd want to play it safe.

But I'm tired of playing it safe. I really feel like I'm confined in a prison of my own making. These self-imposed chains of fear... fear of failure, which breeds fear of trying. It's like a vicious cycle and I just want to break free! How fabulous it would be to just feel free.

It all begins with me. Yes, I know. But how? I have a lot of answers and things I know for sure, but most of it just creates more questions in my head. It's like I know all the universal truths, but what's MY truth? How does all apply to me? That's the pivotal question of my life and I am so desperate to find an answer to it.